There comes a point in a lucky person’s polyamorous life, where they are drowning in the mix of multiple memories and fantasies of the flesh, and they have to STOP and gather themselves completely, and rejoin the land of the living once again.
It’s really easy to get lost from a special moment or even a semi-mundane moment with a particular sweetie pie if and when one is reminiscing fondly upon fondling another pretty filly or young (hung) buck, yuk yuk. And that’s the black-rabbit hole of polyamory that can be nothing but a dark vacuum of mild disrespect that steals many a person’s mind and heart in the most inopportune moments!
You’re not supposed to be thinking about Karen when you’re with Sharon, even if Sharon is Karen (haha, I mean, sharing is caring… polyamory got my tongue tied!) It’s not something you can set on caring cruise control and think isvalways going to be the way it is today. Nah buddy!
One month from now, your relationship will be in a new place, and if you’re with more than a few people, then it’s guaranteed that your relationship will be in a new place in a week, a month, a year. So you will need to keep that present-moment passion SHARP!
Unless you tend to your poly garden like a robot, with perfect dispersions of light, water, and weeding on every single inch and different flower of the entire garden plot, then things will grow at different rates and paces, and you will have some lovers making you feel deeper feelings for different reasons than other ones do. You will not know the reasons why your heart and other electrified body parts feel this way for one person, and that way for another… such is love!
The point is: do NOT desire what you have with one lover from another lover, covetously and jealously. It’s not healthy polyamory, and it will do nothing but erode your love life from the inside! One person will provide certain comforts, and another will offer other opportunities.
If you want one person to offer something that someone else gives you… it’s best to take it SLOW, and develop it with that one person. If you have a lover who is an athlete, and another who is a movie lover, you can’t force the movie lover to suddenly want to get sweaty with you on the basketball court.
Try watching Love and Basketball with them, let them know you want to play more b-ball, then maybe get a laptop for them to watch while you practice your Shaquille O’Neal free throws. THEN, one day, you can invite them onto the court like,”Come bump and grind with me a little between Netflix shows!”
That’s much more healthy than saying, “You never wanna do anything but watch Antonio Banderas movies! I wish you were more like…” Don’t even go there! Comparison truly erases appreciation of diversity’s beauty.
Love them all,
Addi Stewart
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