Tips & Advice

Please Stop Sending Women Online Dating Form Letters

Woman Making Loser Sign at Laptop

When I first began online dating, it was daunting. I had a lot of questions? Should I send first messages? Should I wait to see what comes to my inbox? How long should I wait before I meet someone? And what red flags should I be looking for? Luckily I had a friend who had been around the online dating block more than a few times to show me the ropes. I have a lot more confidence now and am able to navigate my way around sites, profiles, and messages. Now I’m the one giving advice to newbie friends and our readers at Polyamory Today.

This post goes out the men who send form letters to women. If you don’t know what an online dating form letter is, let me explain. It’s a first message that is written and then sent to multiple women a man is interested in. It is just cut and pasted into a woman’s messaging window and sent.

Sometimes the form is short and sweet like “I think your profile rocks.” and sometimes it can be longer like “It’s hard to meet a woman with that rare combination of beauty, brains, and talents. We also have a lot in common, and something in your profile really made me smile.” I’ll be honest, these are better than “Hey, how’s it goin’?” or “Me want you tonight!” but they are just as insincere.

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Men write form letters because they think it will save them time and get more replies. First of all, writing a go-to message that will apply to all women isn’t easy, and if you do get a response, you will still have to put in the effort to get to know her. As for more replies, most women who recognize form letters, send them right to the trash. I know I do. I was recently duped by a long, carefully crafted message, and I did respond. It wasn’t until I had lunch with my friend who pointed out there wasn’t one thing in it that was specific to my profile. I wasn’t completely convinced until he responded with a question that he would have known if he had read even the first paragraph of my profile. Sigh.

My advice: don’t send a message until you have read a woman’s entire profile. Be creative and personal and you will stand out from the crowd.

For more tips: 5 Online Dating Message Mistakes to Avoid

Best Poly Dating Sites: The Polyamory Today Guide

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