5 Online Dating Message Mistakes to Avoid

Sexy Woman on Laptop

I had taken a little break from online dating, as I was having trouble juggling my many relationships. Then a few went kaput and I felt the itch to put my dating profile back up. I haven’t had much time to look around, but I have received a lot of messages. And the not-so-good ones gave me inspiration to write this post. It seems that there are some common messaging mistakes that men make. I almost feel bad for them because most women won’t even check out the guy’s profile after reading these

5 Message Mistakes to Avoid

1. Too Sexual
This depends on the type of dating site, of course. But most women (unless they state they are looking for casual sex only), don’t want the wham-bam-thankyou-mam of messages. It’s a turn off and reeks of insecurity. And we’re not into the bare chest in the mirror selfies either.

2. Bad Spelling
This includes grammar and punctuation. Not everyone is an English nerd, but even if it’s not your thing, get a friend to proofread your profile. If a woman agrees to go on a date and finds out later how terrible your spelling is, she’ll have plenty of other good things to focus on and will let it go. No one will respond to a first message that sounds Neanderthal.

3. Too Many Messages
Do not send multiple messages… to the same woman. It looks desperate and is annoying. A single well-crafted message will always have a girl checking out your profile. And if it’s well-written and she senses compatibility and an attraction, you will get a response. You may think multiple messages tell her that you really really like her, but she’ll worry that you’re needy.

4. Too Short
“Hi, how’s it going?” or “How was your day?” are way too short and vague. These messages are too easy and seen as extremely lazy. I don’t check these profiles out, ever! If a man can’t spend the time to carefully read my profile and write a message that is specific to who I am… bye bye. A little effort goes a long way, gentlemen.

5. Age-Related
Most internet dating sites ask you to list your age in the profile, and I think that’s important in narrowing down your focus. But… there are no-no’s when it comes to this. Because I look young for my age, I often get messages that comment on this, and although meant to be flattering it also makes me feel objectified. I even had a recent message, where the man asked when my profile pictures had been taken (last year thank you very much!) as if I had used ten-year-old photos.

I may have to write a part two to this article if I receive any more bad messages. I’d love to hear from both men and women about message pet peeves. These stories can only help!

Tell us what you think!

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
6 years ago

Hi again, Holly. There is so much tokenistic BS said about sex & older folks. Since retirement from professional life in early 2005 my wife’s libido has taken off. She still juices like a young woman. She has a lovely body that can still turn me on since I first saw it naked in 1959. We men & our propensity for the visual delights! I have long considered the female body to be the highest form of art. I’m fortunate to have an in-house model to create photographic images that celebrate the female body. Retirement provides the essential element of… Read more »

6 years ago

I agree with the points you make, Holly. We will NOT respond to cock shots. Nice shot say from waist up, nice shirt, lovely smile – there’s a start! No thinking woman is going to fall about, drooling over a cock shot. We make the assumption that a man has a cock. A man must sound interesting to us. A range of interests that are compatible with ours. An interest in the arts (my wife paints, I write); widely travelled (we’ve made 18 trips abroad which have broadened our experience comprehensively); courteous, articulate, well mannered & well presented; well educated;… Read more »

6 years ago

Happy to share our impressions with you, Holly, per email. Much to tell.

J & C

To Top