I admit I was skeptical when I first learned one of my besties is seeing a polyamory coach. It was the first time I’d heard the term, but that’s probably because I wasn’t paying attention. I’ve come across the idea before, but it didn’t register.
My first instinct was to rail against the expense and worry that my friend was being ripped off, but after thinking it through, I came to some different conclusions.
Do you need a polyamory coach? Could a polyamory coach benefit your life or relationships in some way?
Here are some things to consider.
A polyamory coach is NOT about pathologizing polyamory, or polyamorous individuals, or polycules.
While my first instinct was “there’s nothing wrong with us!” I soon realized that a polyamory coach is in full agreement with that.
Indeed, her expertise and experience has been in listening to poly people and working with them to help them affirm their choices, cope with unique poly concerns, maximize the benefits of polyamory, and strategize their lifestyle.
Just as anyone might need a counsellor, therapist, physical trainer, or time management coach, so too do polyamorous people need assistance. Why not choose someone who already affirms your lifestyle?
Polyamorous people need support just like everybody else.
Maybe the concept of a polyamory coach is new, but polyamory sure isn’t.
Although more and more mainstream news and magazine stories are about polyamory, and more people are choosing polyamory, the vast majority of professionals still assume monogamy or serial monogamy are the norm or at least the ideal.
Why not choose professionals who understand and affirm the decision to be polyamorous and know the unique benefits and challenges polyamory brings?
New polyamorous folks have lots of questions.
While poly people may need support for a million reasons at any stage, folks new to polyamory could especially benefit from affirming support and real answers.
When we have questions about etiquette, boundaries, commitment, STIs, time management, disclosure, legality and ownership matters (properties, marriages, custody, business) it would be really nice if our doctors, lawyers, notaries, and therapists all understood the ramifications from the perspective of polyamory, not just singles or married couples’ perspectives.
A polyamory coach isn’t all those things, but it’s a major start. He or she may also be able to recommend other professionals who are open minded or informed.
Most polyamory coaches are poly themselves.
Not only is a polyamory coach an expert on polyamory from specializing and listening to the needs and concerns and stories of poly people, but most have personal experience living poly.
While one size never fits all, someone who has navigated firsthand living poly in a society built for monogamous couples will have fresh and realistic insights to benefit you.
Using a polyamory coach doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you, or wrong with polyamory.
Juggling work, family, relationships, personal issues, romance, dating, and sex can be a handful for anyone from any perspective. Poly people need help sorting out these things too.
Whether you want to improve your singing, your badminton game, public speaking, or your online dating profiles, coaching can help. And a polyamory coach can help you improve the way you navigate multiple relationships, the way you treat yourself, the way you treat others.
Some help you streamline your dating game, some help polyamorous people improve their sex lives, some specialize in time management. Specialized or general support are not about something being wrong, but about maximizing your life and improving your skills in many areas.