Evolution Speed: Kittens and Cheetahs and Lions, Oh My!
Polyamory is a realm where emotions and sexuality can evolve faster than traditional concepts that we deal with in regular time and normal space. In polyamory, a weekend can change a life. A week can alter a destiny. And what a difference a year can make. Even with the least evolutionary excursions and adventures into multi-partner relationships, there tends to be a rate of growth, innovation, experimentation and discovery that I find unfolds and expands different than monogamy or marriage. You have omnidirectional emotionality, where you can care about more than one person at the same time. There is a compound interest to your sexual interest, and it’s awesome to cash in on.
But… the compassionate polyamorist is the polyamorist who cares to slow down the expansion of the heart when they meet someone who isn’t as experienced in the polyamorous realm. It’s not a competition and it’s not a race, so there is no need to “notch numbers on a belt” or “raise your body count”, and strain the limits of potential partners both or all people can possibly party with. There is always supposed to be communication and clarity in regards to “can my heart sustain yours and your heart’s desires? and vice versa?”
This is the core of compersion, and also the oil of polyamorous honesty machine. The fuel is the flesh of the significant others, but without the oil, it will break down. Where will you wind up in a month if one partner is moving at 100 mph and the other is moving at 60 mph? You won’t be in the same place at the same time, with the same warmth inside your heart engines, that’s for sure.
And that’s the key to all relationships: balance. Walking together. Talking together. And truly evolving together. Holding hands is a perfect metaphor for the action we seek to grow emotionally, spiritually, sexually and intellectually. How far can you get with a partner if you’re holding their hand? You have to move at their pace. Even if someone else is holding your hand, you have to all co-ordinate your motion so you all can get to where you want to be, together, and then communicate how to temporarily separate respectfully, so when it’s time to reunite, it can be done holistically.
Ultimately though, the rule is: “polyamorous relationships should grow at the rate of the newest lover’s ability to accommodate more lovers” and I think it’s a pretty fair suggestion (as I don’t think rules work in polyamory, since everyone’s version of poly is so different…)
Remember what Confucius said: “it doesn’t matter how fast or slow you are going, as long as you don’t stop.”
It applies to love and polyamory, too.