A Season and a Reason: So… Why Are You Together?
Don’t worry: your secret is safe with me. So… now you can tell me. What are you doing with that person? I’m not trying to judge you about being with them. I want you to be as honest with me as your ego is with your lust, and express the simple truth: what do you want and hope to get out of this situation?
Every relationship is based upon something. There’s a foundation to which all connections lie upon, and this foundation is not always articulated and understood on a conscious level. See, many relationships are a situation structured for maximum exploitation, whether emotionally, economically, physically, socially, sexually or intellectually. It’s an exchange, where one person is receiving benefits of some sort by sharing space and time together with their significant other, and vice versa to whatever degree.
But the unspoken reality of many relationships is: the power dynamic is not balanced. Often times, one person is benefiting from the connection more than the other, and for the sake of convenience, fear, pride, preference, abuse, shame, joy, nonchalance, emotional irresponsibility or some other mysterious motivation, the other person remains in the relationship that subjugates their power and potential, for the sake of the first person’s convenience. The reasons why we do this to our selves and others remains a continuous mystery, and it probably will for a very long time. Why do people get in, and stay in, relationships and situations that hurt them, don’t serve them, don’t fulfill them, or infuriate them? Do we think we can really change someone? Yes, often times we do. And it’s kind of crazy, but many of us do it anyways.
But the bottom line is: what is the point of trying to change someone we’re in a relationship with? Is it for our ego? For them? Is it for both of us? Why are we still here? Being able to answer that question honestly is a magnificent reason to reflect upon your relationship, and make the decisions you need to make concerning the increasing maintenance of your well being, and the increasing manifestation of your partner’s well being, too.
In the realm of polyamory, this question remains the same, yet gains a new level of complexity. Why do you want to be with this lover, as well as that lover? And will you still want to be with both lovers if one of them delivers you an ultimatum and says you can only be with one of us? Oy-vay!
And there’s the rub.
Even if you don’t know how or when: it’s better to know exactly why you want to do who you want to do.
Always in love,
Addi Stewart
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