I had taken a little break from online dating, as I was having trouble juggling my many relationships. Then a few went kaput and I felt the itch to put my dating profile back up. I haven’t had much time to look around, but I have received a lot of messages. And the not-so-good ones gave me inspiration to write this post. It seems that there are some common messaging mistakes that men make. I almost feel bad for them because most women won’t even check out the guy’s profile after reading these
5 Message Mistakes to Avoid
1. Too Sexual
This depends on the type of dating site, of course. But most women (unless they state they are looking for casual sex only), don’t want the wham-bam-thankyou-mam of messages. It’s a turn off and reeks of insecurity. And we’re not into the bare chest in the mirror selfies either.
2. Bad Spelling
This includes grammar and punctuation. Not everyone is an English nerd, but even if it’s not your thing, get a friend to proofread your profile. If a woman agrees to go on a date and finds out later how terrible your spelling is, she’ll have plenty of other good things to focus on and will let it go. No one will respond to a first message that sounds Neanderthal.
3. Too Many Messages
Do not send multiple messages… to the same woman. It looks desperate and is annoying. A single well-crafted message will always have a girl checking out your profile. And if it’s well-written and she senses compatibility and an attraction, you will get a response. You may think multiple messages tell her that you really really like her, but she’ll worry that you’re needy.
4. Too Short
“Hi, how’s it going?” or “How was your day?” are way too short and vague. These messages are too easy and seen as extremely lazy. I don’t check these profiles out, ever! If a man can’t spend the time to carefully read my profile and write a message that is specific to who I am… bye bye. A little effort goes a long way, gentlemen.
Most internet dating sites ask you to list your age in the profile, and I think that’s important in narrowing down your focus. But… there are no-no’s when it comes to this. Because I look young for my age, I often get messages that comment on this, and although meant to be flattering it also makes me feel objectified. I even had a recent message, where the man asked when my profile pictures had been taken (last year thank you very much!) as if I had used ten-year-old photos.
I may have to write a part two to this article if I receive any more bad messages. I’d love to hear from both men and women about message pet peeves. These stories can only help!