Waiting… for Your Secret Crush

How long have you waited to be with someone? My “record”—not that I’m trying to set records in this category, god no, it’s torture and suffering in the most beautiful way imaginable—is seventeen years. That’s right, I said SEVENTEEN YEARS I waited to hook up with a dream woman.

And yes, it was worth it to wait until the fruit of fantasy was ripe enough to pick and taste. If I tried to force it and make it happen any sooner, it would never have happened. So I’m happy things took that long to manifest.

The whole concept of “waiting until the time is right” is often just an excuse to focus on fear and conservative convention more than faith and protection—waiting seventeen years did NOT make the relationship last a whole lot longer, please believe it.

I love(d) her deeply, but it was something that exploded passionately and then burned out somewhat rapidly, four months later. It wasn’t meant to last forever, as I like to say. Things just change.

I have ANOTHER crush that I waited only FIVE years to manifest, and I am so very happy to share that I had one of the most passionate first kisses ever at a sex-worker party (featuring the presence of three other lovers I’ve had in my life).

She is the closest thing I have ever seen to a genuine Jessica Rabbit in the flesh, and I have ALWAYS wanted to touch her and love her. And at this party, we were drinking, talking with sexy friends, eating delicious nibbles, and stealing glances at one another.

We were warming up to the dream potential in a way that was kinda shocking, considering we had circled each other for YEARS, although I wasn’t sure how she felt about me. At one point she grabbed my waist, and just held me close to her. It was DEFINITELY sensual, and I was like, “Oh yeah? We’re doing this now? OKAY!”

There was lots of sweet physical connection, and lots of build up. Then she went into the washroom. When she came out, we looked each other in the eyes. And for some reason that I do not care to understand, she kissed me.

Oh my GOD! She tasted like HEAVEN. Mind blowing. A few minutes later, we decided to do it again. EXPLOSIONS. We were basically fucking with our clothes on in the kitchen. People at the party started laughing and smiling. The chemistry we had was nuclear.

She even said, “There’s a bed over there, we should just go to it!” I would have! But we just had a last kiss and squeeze for the night, and then made sure we would see each other again SOON.

And when I *finally* saw her next to get her number, I realized that I ALREADY HAD HER PHONE NUMBER from a burlesque event we both attended years ago! We laughed.

FINALLY the flower of fantasy grew from the dream seeds planted so long ago. Life is wonderful. It really is if you have faith in your favorite dreams.

Addi Stewart

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