It happens to the best of us. And it happens due to the worst of us…
Sometimes, we double-book.
Sometimes, we oversleep.
Sometimes, we are irresponsible.
Sometimes, we get too drunk and shit.
Sometimes, we change our mind, and fail to say so in time.
Sometimes, we are too lazy to do the right thing.
Sometimes, we just forget!
There are times as a polymorous person where we fail to keep our word to someone else. We drop the ball. The promise is unkept. The dream is shattered. And sometimes, this has horrible and ever-lasting repercussions to the people you once had the trust of. And if this is not the first time you have broken a promise to them, it might be much closer to the last time you will be allowed to be that close to the person you keep failing to honor your connection to them.
You have to do the right thing if you want to continue being connected to the person. And the right thing, means:
1. Take full responsibility for your mistake and become completely aware of the suffering you have caused.
2. Acknowledge and atone for the pain you caused the other person (explanations aren’t needed unless asked for.)
3. Make a guarantee to be more aware, and make a promise to never repeat your painful words and/or actions to the person hurt.
I think it’s that simple. To complicate it and make it about “who said what to who” is just irresponsible egotism avoiding the issue.
Rebuilding Trust in a Romantic Relationship
They say “never say sorry unless you intend on NEVER doing it again.” And this is not taken into consideration enough. Just saying the words “sorry” is meaningless if there is not an intention of always doing different in every day forward into the future. I think “sorry” should mean: “I’m sorry to cause you this type of pain, and I will do everything in my power to NEVER cause you this pain again.”
I had a good friend recently make a grievously selfish error in the realm of polyamorous sexuality, after I had made some medium-size sacrifices for her. I could understand her mistake, but it was still a SERIOUS mistake that was committed against my heart and soul, and it disappointed me greatly. She reached out to me the next day, took full responsibility for what she did (and didn’t do), and then made an iron-clad plan to fix her mistake. And when I met up with her the next week, she DEFINITELY kept her word. The healing is done, the mistake is history, and the polyamorous happiness continues wonderfully!
So, when you fuck up, just own it. And then you can get over it. But if you don’t take notice of what you did to someone else… at some point, you will not be blessed with the benefit of someone else to notice.
I’m sorry, but I’m not sorry to tell you how fucking true this all is. Healing the past is the only way to reveal the true future. Otherwise, you’ll just repeat the pain of the past without even knowing it.
Apologies to those who don’t have anyone around to help them take these vitally divine steps towards healing the damage in their relationships.
In love,
Addi Stewart
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