In the immortal words of the American musical icon Shawn Carter: “There’s levels to this shit!” Polyamory is like three-dimensional chess and monogamy is like checkers, in my opinion.
There can be multiple games being played on multiple levels of emotional, sexual, intellectual, financial, and social layers—a person’s identity being revealed and concealed with an endless variety of people. And as long as its morally transparent, it’s technically kosher and cool!
To be monogamous and play people like that is NOT cool and kosher, and can border on criminal in some places. But as we focus on the fair folks, we can claim and know that our intentions are to be as honest as we can balance between what our poly lovers want to know, and what we are aware and ready to share about ourselves.
How deep is your trust of yourself and your lovers? Do you do the work on the inside to know what you want and need in your sex and heart life? Can you ask your partners for time and space together and/or apart? Do you trust yourself to return when you ask for the time and space apart? Do you trust them to be there when you return?
Polyamory provides ample space to lie to oneself, and I can’t pretend that I might not be lying to myself in one or more situations in my life. I’m not going to act like I’m beyond that possibility, but I’m quite self-aware and flexible with my polyamory.
I’m able to meet virtually anyone where they are at to create any poly scenario imaginable: singular, plural, multiple, short term, long term, professional, personal, long distance, close comfort—you name it! I give ALL my trust to my poly lovers.
I give as much information and energy and acceptance as they are ready to receive. Some people want to know everything about my other lovers, and I tell them. Some people want to know nothing, and I don’t tell them. I trust them to be safe, and I ask them as much as I can learn from them.
I’d like to leave at the top of trust mountain the flagpole to point the direction and depth of the future of the relationship… and the point is: every relationship grows as fast as the person who cares the LEAST.
Think about it if you’d like,