Insufficent Funds When Money is Love
They say “time is money”. And it’s true. Both of them can’t be taken with you when you go. They are earth values with various levels of worth to us all. To one person, an hour with her long lost father is worth more than a million dollars. To another person, a thousand dollars would connect them to a long lost dream they always wanted to touch. It’s all relative.
But what is also relative, and paradoxically, simultaneously NOT relative, is the MEANING of the SYSTEM we use together. We all have free time, but we all don’t use or value our free time equally. Some play video games, some shop, some go for massages and rub and tugs, some get mani/pedis, some go on vacation, others rest at home. All of us spend our time differently.
But how many of us invest our time in each other with the same value we invest in our own self-satisfaction? Those numbers are a bit more… fluctuating. In polyamory, it can be a blessing or a curse to have to negotiate scheduling of time. And from that, it’s possible to see how people feel about VALUING the time they spend with someone else, and making it a priority to invest energy and commitment to someone else’s desire for them.
It can also be DIFFICULT to deal with polyamorous people who do not value their connection to you as much as you value your connection to them! A concept exists in polyamory, but I don’t practice it: primary and secondary lovers. I do not value any one lover over another, but I do recognize that some lovers may have more time and/or less responsibility than others, and I may have to weigh my expectations and hopes accordingly. This is just good internal emotional management.
I don’t withdraw all my energy from any lover that isn’t returning on the investment initially offered. But I also do not give everything to someone who feels comfortable in giving nothing. It’s just bad for the business of the heart, and for sanity, no matter how noble one’s intentions are. The road to hell is paved with golden intentions.
The road to heaven is paved with good investments. Good time investments and good soul investments. Don’t bounce time cheques. Don’t fail to deposit energy into your partner’s dream bank account. And don’t think that love is earned by anything else besides hard work every day where quality time together is spent like Warren Buffett is generating the funds for the fun!
Don’t be cheap with your lovers, because ultimately you are really only being cheap with yourself. And a bankrupt heart is not going to attract as many suitors in a polyamorous marketplace…
Polyamory is the best in the world. When you put your money where your mouth is, you value your integrity so much. L’chaim!
In love,
Addi Stewart
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