As I say about relationships once in a while: there is no such thing as an equal 50-50 balance with anyone. That would be absolute perfection in a relationship, but I don’t think that anyone can say that they have that.
Maybe some people do achieve perfect balance in every aspect of connection, but I think it’s more like 55-45 or 60-40 or 75-25, and people just accept the terms of the engagement offered for their own particular reasons.
So many women settle for less-than-equal arrangements SO much of the time—a sad truth I think is fair to say.
I was in a situation where I was thinking of how this applies to polyamory, the poly macro factor as opposed to the personal micro factor.
Which lovers do people want to spend more time with? A person can have three lovers, and possibly try to see them all two days a week, then take one day off to themselves. That would be the most even distribution of time and energy, and may be some people’s goal. Whatever keeps them all happy, but what if we were to be more realistic?
What if someone has better chemistry with one person over the rest, or someone doesn’t have as much time to spend as the rest? What if one person wants to spend four days a week with one lover, and one day with the other two? That’s a possibility in polyamory. And it’s not to be judged, is it? Not in my books, and not on my watch.
Some people in my life fit into my schedule and my heart more than others. Some people want to be closer, while others only want or need occasional access. We can’t really say that the person we spend the most or the least time with is the most or least important relationship in our heart… because it’s just not true.
We simply share the love we feel, and bless it all!