I’m reaching a blessed and beautiful place in my polyamory life. I have SO many lovers, I need a calendar to keep the days organized! I know in my mind what I’m doing and who I’m meeting, but I don’t always feel so perfect in my brain. I had two double bookings in the last year, but I worked things out with responsible honesty and immediate rescheduling.
Alas, there is a price to pay for constantly living your dreams: DEPTH. Things are getting deeper with multiple lovers at the same time. And that brings complications that are unforeseen to the dreaming eye and innocent heart.
It’s one thing to have a bunch of fuck buddies to choose from (and I am not judging that at all! It’s a wonderful life if one chooses it responsibly and honorably, but it’s another thing to have a bunch of long-term, emotionally connected, family-sharing, life-milestone bonding LOVERS in your life. That’s what I have, and it’s a new level.
There are constant sleepovers, me at their place and them at mine. I’m not alone very often in my bachelor apartment, that’s a really sweet blessing of being this polyamorous. And I always have a place or two or three to visit when I want, which is nice.
The challenge I now face is how do I remain truthful to myself, my lovers, and my polyamory without hurting anyone by revelations? I tell the truth to anyone who asks. I don’t usually say names of other partners if it’s not necessary, but it’s been so long with a few lovers that I’ve started to share names with each other.
There are four lovers who I have been seeing regularly, all over eight months. I also have two women who I’ve been seeing for two years. Things haven’t changed in a long time. Week after week, I see each one of them, and we have fun together.
A few of these women have been curious about my connections with others. I’ve realized that II can tell them things, but they may not want to know things they thought they wanted to know. I don’t not hide the truth, but I also don’t graphic about the details. Unless requested!
I make my lovers AWARE of each other, but make sure they don’t COMPARE themselves to each other. It’s a very tricky balance, but I highly recommend you learn how to do such a thing. I don’t know exactly how you might do it for your own situation, but you know the difference between being selfish about speaking and being generous about speaking. You know better than me what works in your poly.
Essentially, it’s about sharing news about other lovers and how good things are but also constantly reassuring and clarifying that there is no need for fear or worry, that good news in one relationship doesn’t mean bad news in another—it’s just the opposite. They all reinforce the happiness of each other when they are all being appreciated properly and passionately!
Share, but don’t be unfair. Make them aware, just don’t compare.
Peace and love!
Addi Stewart
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