Ever-Shifting Polyamory Foundations

In a polyamorous relationship, things are always shifting. Even if it’s only a little bit with certain people from time to time, it’s still adjustments that are adding up to something—and it’s best to stay aware of it all.

This was a super wise truth that came up in a discussion I had with someone who was helping to save my heart from life-altering heartbreak. Upon further reflection, I had to co-sign this statement as fact, jack AND jill!

Things had been extremely stable, steady and smooth with one particular partner for months. We were in the throes of ecstasy on levels that were very nontraditional and unbelievable… and then, I thought to some of the first problems we had. Where did they originate? Not from me.

A former tragedy came to haunt our love, and there was sign number one, shift number one, struggle number one. Then another lover (who I liked quite a bit) came into the scenario and affected her equilibrium. Our relationship continued stronger than ever, but I noticed how she was affected for a few weeks after this person came and went. Always a slight adjustment here, there and everywhere—from everyone.

My relationships were definitely causing her minor jealousies from time to time. She had compersion for most of my situations, and was even friends with some of my lovers in delightfully heartwarming ways. But those connections could not stabilize the situation I was starting to cause my lover to suffer with.

More shifts happened, eventually hurting her.

I saw it crystal clear earlier today. Our romance was like a slope of rocks, and one pebble would shift, one rock would shift, one boulder would move. At some point, with enough little shifts and changes: EARTHQUAKES HAPPEN.

Be careful. Every little change matters.

Addi Stewart

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