Stories

Asking for Space in Poly Relationships

Woman Walking Away from Heart on Beach

At the end of the day as well as the beginning of the morning, I sincerely and simply wish everyone is happy, whether they are with their hand or favorite vibrator, or with one person, or one dozen people… I don’t judge at all!

I simply try to make accurate and honest observations that can be used for writing purposes on this blog, ha ha! I say all that to say don’t accuse monogamous people of lying, per se. No, not that. I don’t need to outright accuse anyone of such nefarious deeds, when they know deep in their heart exactly how much they are deceiving themselves, and their partner, if they actually are not wanting to be in that situation.

But it’s hard to say goodbye to yesterday sometimes… people get comfortably numb. Yet, when it’s time for space: it’s liftoff!

Monogamous people who take space sometimes are using it to be an excuse for a premature breakup, or to perpetuate an unhealthy cycle of breaking up and reuniting. Of course, it can also be used in an holistic way too, where the outlook of the relationship is re-evaluated from a distance, and re-addressed at a later date.

I have come to learn that “taking space” in polyamory can have a whole heap of different dimensions and unparalleled aspects of self-reflection when one has other relationships and connections potentially happening.

In poly, it can be for such a wider variety of reasons, and thus space can take up a variety of meanings. I recently have had space from someone because we couldn’t quite align our schedules and our intentions consistently enough to make her happy, even though she knows my desire is to be the best to her that I can.

My life as a model and porn star and musician doesn’t make me the most scheduled person around, and I don’t know what a Monday-Friday, 9-5 work week is and haven’t for a decade… so we took space.

It’s the love that keeps us connected. The secret thing to taking space apart is knowing when it’s the right time to reconnect. The heart will tell you.

Love,
Addi Stewart

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