Asking for Space in Poly Relationships

Life is funny. And love is made of life itself. Therefore, love is super funny. You never know what kinda hilarious shit it’s gonna throw in your face. Or your heart, eww. But yeah, it happens. Love happens aka shit happens. And that kinda reinforces that other old chestnut: it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved before.

I had a situation where I almost wanted to end things with a lover. Not end it completely, but take a serious break. They were asking for things I was not prepared to give them. After a few weeks of difficulty and distance, I thought it might be best to not grind down the gears and brakes of the relationship, and just put it on pause.

I would check in when my schedule wasn’t so hectic, and see if they were able to trust me more, as well as understand my challenging schedule and multiple careers like some other lovers do.

When it came to the moment of truth, and I was about to reveal this pseudo-ultimatum… everything kinda shifted. They weren’t mistrustful, they weren’t lacking the ability to give me space, they weren’t asking for too much information about my other lovers and relationships.

They were able to respect what we did have above and beyond the issues we occasionally struggled with. These problems seemed to accumulate over time, but really they are just minor blemishes on a very sexy situation. So… crisis averted, nuke button deactivated, the show goes on.

It was almost magical, actually. I was happy with the surprise shift in understanding. Sometimes, things just fall into place… right before they fall out of place, apparently.

Life is funny, I tells ya.

Addi Stewart

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