Advocating for Your Partner’s Other Relationship

I have been poly for twenty happiness-filled years now, with only a few weeks or months on the sidelines of love for one reason or another, and only ONE year in a monogamous relationship when I was thirty-four because I wanted to get away from a problematic group of polyamorous people in my life at the time.

I have seen a LOT of things in polyamory (also because I do sex work and porn) but I obviously haven’t seen everything. That silly notion is for people who think they have to “settle down” when the Game of Love gets boring, and they want to retire. I ain’t never gonna retire, and it NEVER gets boring to me!

Something awesome just happened! Something that’s NEVER happened in my twenty poly years. I wanted my partner to get with someone who they were breaking up with! It wasn’t just typical compersion where I was happy for their happiness, and I was keeping my distance to not get in the way of her connection.

I really liked this person who my partner introduced to me last weekend. I was instantly comfortable in seeing her kiss them goodbye right after I kissed her goodbye, which was a particular first. But the REAL DEAL was what happened the next day.

My lover told me she was going through struggles with them, and that she was thinking of separating from them. At this point, I felt a strange shift in my soul. I was SINCERELY SAD for the situation. I liked the person and didn’t want them to be gone from our poly dynamic.

I suggested some things that I think would have helped my lover and their new partner work out their situation, and I hoped for the best.

Lo and behold, a few days later my lover told me that she was going to be spending time with this person again, and that my advice helped her! I was so happy to hear that, and I really look forward to seeing the cool cat again. They offer something different to the poly dynamic we share, and I cherish them in a unique way. I can feel it, and know they have a great soul and mind and heart, and can also offer things to my partner that I know I can’t.

All of us together make an awesome poly supergroup, and I don’t want to break up the band yet. Ha ha, Love rocks on!

I tried to keep my lover from breaking up with someone, because I believed they had more relationship to explore together—that’s new!

Addi Stewart

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