I heard a wise man say a wise thing once: “The Universe is such an unfathomably grandiose phenomenon with so many unbelievable things happening in it, that sometimes we simply cannot convey the depth and heights of some of our experiences to each other. Thus, we must speak in metaphor and simile, as they are the next best choice us frail little humans have in trying to share and express the meanings of our experiences in life, love and sex.”
I have a metaphor for polyamory that works very well for helping me practice and process the problems and priorities that allow my poly self to proliferate passionately. And it is the metaphor of THE GARDEN. I see polyamory as a fresh, healthy garden where each relationship is a flower or a type of flora, and every day and every week, a poly person must tend to their garden! There are many different flowers with different needs, some only need watering and light once a week, some don’t need light just some good soil, and some need daily water and abundant light to grow even just a little bit, because they are so delicate.
Seeing polyamory as a garden really helps me explain and understand what is happening, especially to the muggles and citizens of Regularville who don’t know what the frick I’m talking about when I say “multiple lovers” or “open relationships.
These folks were probably raised on a steady diet of Cinderella Syndrome Relationships, with a Prince Charming and a Happily Ever After fairy tale ending, where only one person can be a soulmate, and life is ruined if they can’t find THE ONE. As if none of the other 7+ billion people on earth could provide them with any of the other desires and requirements they may have in their love life… but HEY! I’m not one to judge, I’m just one to observe the statistics of cheating and divorce!
Those are not homes with gardens growing aplenty. Their relationship garden is full of weeds, inconsistent servings of water and love nutrients, a lack of love’s light, and ultimately, a belief that only ONE flower can be tended to in the garden of their heart at one time. Sadness, I say.
What if only one possible partner was available for me to offer my emotional eggs to? What if she carried all my hopes and dreams? What if I wasn’t able to extract any of myself to offer to any others because I put all my effort and energy into one lover who didn’t have the time, equal desire, inclination or sense of emotional priority to place me on an equal level to her connection?
This is a skull-cracking conclusion to come to with a woman, but it’s the mind-scrambling solution to so many monogamous situations that I can’t even begin to comprehend how people can stock market their heart with such levels of investment—going all in every time they play, and having to lick their wounds when they lose it all after the next relationship gamble is played out to its inevitable conclusion: failure.
Polyamory is wonderful for showing the wisdom of spreading one’s opportunities around to multiple options. Some people really seem unhappy because they truly believe the Myth of Monogamy, when the vast majority of the mammals on earth are NOT monogamous. Follow your heart. That’s really my only actual advice. Everything else is just sexy icing on the bliss cake.
Blessings to the Cherry Blossom Lovers in my life, who have the most peculiar, particular, possibly even problematic scenarios to sustain themselves in my heart garden, yet we make time to keep them alive with love water, sexual sunlight, and consistent care of the soil.
Some lovers I only love three times a year. If I was monogamous, how painful would it be to suffer waiting for one flower to grow, while ignoring all the other seeds and dreams being nurtured in the natural habitat of happiness? Too hard to handle.
If polyamory is a garden, I got ten green fingers!
With forever growing joy,
Addi Stewart
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