Poly Relationships

5 Reasons Polyamory Is Not For You

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So your best friend is polyamorous. He’s incredibly happy. He gets to date and have amazing sex with a handful of women who are all cool with it. You look up to him and his situation. So why can’t this be you? Well, there are a lot of aspects of polyamory that you may not be comfortable with and some of your core values and personality traits may not lend themselves to this lifestyle. Here are five reasons polyamory may not be for you.

1. You Can’t Share Partners
I hate to be captain obvious here, but you’d be surprised at how many people attempt polyamory, forgetting they are naturally jealous and possessive individuals. If you can’t share your partner without  feeling jealousy or possessive, ladies and gentlemen, move on. For polyamorists, there’s more security and love outside of the confines of a monogamous relationship, not less. If you aren’t secure there’s no point in trying. Straight up!

2. You Think Polyamory is an Alternative to Cheating
One of the most important aspects of polyamory is that it is NOT about being sexually indiscriminate or cheating. It is about being in a loving, respectful, and open relationship with more than one person. Communication is open between all involved, no ones operates behind anyone else’s back. If you’re out to cheat, well, then cheat. Remember though, that’s a different world altogether.

3. You Have a Hard Time Sharing Feelings and Emotions
As Istated above, polyamory requires a lot of open sharing and communication to make the multitude of relationships work. Polyamory is about having you and your partners needs shared with other people. If you can’t communicate exactly what you want out of these relationships, and what the boundaries are, you are in a heap of trouble.

4. You Don’t Have Time
Polyamory is a lot of work! Your various partners are all going to want to have their time with you and your attention. Most people are already busy with their day-to-day lives. Try juggling four girlfriends in that mix! It’s a lot of work and time management skills are a must. If you don’t have these then it might be time to move on.

5. You think Polyamory is all about Sex
Polyamorous on paper seems like it’s all one big sexual romp, but it’s not. Don’t confuse swingers with polyamorists. Generally with swingers, the anonymity and non-involvement are the most attractive benefits of that set. Polyamory has all the benefits of swinging, but often involves deeper feelings, intimacy, and bonding.

Are you new to polyamory? What are your greatest challenges?

Tell us what you think! 3 Comments

  1. deislandgirl

    December 15, 2012 at 4:24 pm

    Great article! I used to think that all i wanted in a secondary relationship was sex and then i started to have deeper feels. Great sex is well…great! but there is something beautiful about really connecting with you lover and respecting and loving the whole person.

  2. Trisha

    March 12, 2015 at 10:18 pm

    I don’t like polyamory. It’s all a lie. My bf got hot and heavy over an 18 yr old. He is 53. He read me the riot act and his version was the should be all truth. What an asshole. I read on polyamorous sites you don’t force your point and saying this is the only way to go.

    • Lola Page

      Lola Page

      March 22, 2015 at 2:12 pm

      I totally agree that noone should force polyamory on their partner. Although poly relationships are highly individual and varied, they should be always be built upon values such as trust, and the negotiation of boundaries.

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