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Threesomes Part 2: Going Shopping for a Third

How fo Find a Third for Your Threesome

So, you find yourself in what many would say is an enviable situation: your partner wants to have a threesome with you! If life were a porn movie, the front door would swing open, and a nubile young vixen would come sauntering in to apply for the job. But alas, just agreeing on the fantasy you want to act out isn’t enough: now you need to seek out a willing third. And you need not only for the two of you to agree on her (because in this case we’re assuming number three is a she), but also for her to agree on the two of you.

Careful, now: if you go about searching for a third the wrong way, this could all blow up in your face. There are a few things to keep in mind, and at the top of your list should be your partner’s emotional well-being. Remember: this might be your long-time dream, but toning it down a notch could ensure your partner is equally eager. For starters, it’s safe to assume that choosing a smoking hot third, while possibly appealing to you both, might be cause for the jealousy and insecurity alarm bells to go off during the act and afterward. Best to let your partner have final say in the selection, as long as you’re happy too. That way, the idea that you’re harbouring any forethought about wanting to get with a specific person can be ruled out in her mind. It’s also a great way to allow her to feel she’s maintaining control.

In the article How to Have a Threesome at Asylum.com, sex therapist Ian Kerner suggests that approaching a friend or acquaintance can be very tricky, since  “you have to be prepared for them to say no — and for some awkwardness if they do, including the end of the relationship.” Kerner states that it might be better to consider hiring a prostitute for a one-off good time. He claims that,  “It’s a more cut-and-dried relationship, which eliminates a lot of the emotional messiness.” What he says makes perfect sense – there’s little to worry about in the jealousy department if the extra person in the bedroom is there out of financial motivation.

However, I’m a great believer in poly online dating sites like Polyamory Date for hooking up with people who fit this specific niche. It’s easy to maintain your privacy too, which is especially important if your partner is iffy to begin with. Just fill out a profile describing who and what the two of you are looking for, and browse the site until you find her – then it’s as simple as a well-worded email proposing a meet-up for drinks. Don’t waste anyone’s time – be clear from the get-go that you’re both looking for a third for a one-time threesome, and that you’re happy to send pictures privately to any interested women. Flatter her in your message, and let her know it’s not just you, but also your partner who’s interested. A great approach is to have your partner send a quick, light and flirty email first so your potential third knows this is the real deal. The you can follow up with a more descriptive message of your own, acknowledging your connection with your partner and outlining your mutual interest. Invite her to meet the two of you for a drink and take it from there. The rest is up to your imaginations – and three heads are better than two!

Got any experience or advice to share about setting up a threesome? Post your comments below!

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