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Threesomes Part 1: Asking for a Threesome

Woman Jealous in Threesome

I know that many different people will visit this blog community, and for many different reasons.  True, lots of you are seasoned polyamorists looking to link up with others of your ilk.  But some are dipping your toes in, wondering what it might be like to try any type of open relationship.  Still others are here because, well, being with one person and one person only just doesn’t appeal to your roaming sexual curiosities.  Whatever has brought you, welcome, and might I suggest that a threesome is a good place to begin?

Let’s explore this further, and hypothetically: you are a man in a monogamous relationship with a woman, and you desperately want to open your relationship up to others.  What better way to gently break the monogamy mold than to do it consensually with your partner present?  I mean, if you want her to see things your way, why not warm her up with an orgasm or four while you’re at it?  It makes strategic sense that adding additional people to your relationship will be a more welcome proposal if she stands to immediately benefit.

In this case, having a threesome is about learning to share.  It’s about communication, dealing with jealousy and lust, and about figuring out how to get what you want and need while still putting your partner ahead of the pack.  In other words, a threesome is great practice for a couple considering the challenges of polyamory.  The question now is, presuming you haven’t discussed it seriously before, how do you get her interested?

Part One: Ask, And Ye Shall…

Let’s face it, until (and possibly still after) you’ve gone through with it, a threesome is the stuff of your fantasies.  The first thing you need to do to ease your partner into the idea is to start sharing some of your fantasies with her.  While you’re alone together kissing, touching, and turning each other on, whisper a few scenarios into her ear.  Tell her how hot these vignettes make you.  To get her imagination involved, cast her as the star of your threesome fantasy by describing scenes with her at the centre of the action.  Even something as simple as, “Do you know how hard I get when I think about another woman driving you crazy with her tongue?” should get those wheels turning in her head, too.

Once you’ve broached the subject during love-making, the next step is to bring it to the light of day.  Ask her casually, maybe over dinner, if she’s ever considered having sex with two other people.  If she starts to show some interest and has some suggestions of her own, you’re very likely onto something.  Talk about it, but don’t ever pass judgement on one another’s fantasies.  This is part of the trust-building process, after all.  The more open your relationship becomes, the more trust you’ll need between you.  When the subject evolves into something you two can talk about quite normally, it’s probably (finally) the right time to ask.

The best way to do this is to create a fantasy together.  Ask her “if” she were to have a threesome with you, how would she want it to go down?  What would her fears be?  What aspects would she most want to explore, and what would be off-limits?  Listen carefully.  If there’s something that turns you on about the idea that she hasn’t yet mentioned, test the waters and see how she responds.  This is the time to be specific: you both need to be quite clear about one another’s boundaries, so rules and limits will apply on both sides.  Once the two of you can agree on the ultimate situation and it’s something you’ve conjured respectfully and democratically, go ahead and let her know you’re serious about playing it out with her.  Chances are, if you genuinely care about your partner’s interest and enjoyment in all this, she’ll view it less as you fantasizing about sleeping with another woman, and more as an opportunity for the two of you to get your kink on as a team.  After all, the two of you have put your heads together creatively; naturally now you’ll both want to get this scene out of your heads and into your bedroom.  Ideally, to forge ahead and find a mutual delight in making this shared project come true might even bring you closer together.

Coming soon: Threesomes, Part Two: Shopping for a Third

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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