Tips & Advice

7 Tips for Hooking Up Your Friends

Couple Dancing in Club

Suggestions for Attempting the Insane

It’s damn near impossible to align the elements, energies and enormous circumstances that it takes to get TWO people to sit down, face to face, and consciously admit to attempting to create a meaningful connection and relationship that has intentions of being all that they can be as one.

Trying to do that for two other people you don’t know as well as you know yourself? Even more challenging!!

I admit to not searching out some manual or playbook to matchmaking, and I admit I don’t have too much experience… but I have myself made lots of connections.

And I did pair up a few couples last year, some going more successfully than others, but none of them amounting to absolute disaster failures of hatred!

That being said, I did learn a few things along the way, and I’d like to share them for you. If you’d like to add on in the comments section, feel free to share. We could all use help in making connections in life. That’s one skill that never gets too sharp!

What did I learn in poly matchmaking? 

1. Be very open-minded. To the point of near fear, but not actual fear. Think: “Will they be physically attracted each other? I don’t know… but I think so?!” Being open minded to the point of actual fear would be trying to set up a date with a racist conservative Republican douchebag with a card-carrying, bull-dyke butch lesbian who retches at the thought of touching the male species. Probably won’t work out well. Choose mindstates of people who are a bit closer in their identity!

2. Be polite. Don’t force anyone to do anything. Make an introduction, and let the chips fall where they may. Will they talk to each other? Who knows. Discover the hard way. By leaving space for it to happen.

3. Be public before you be private. Introducing two people who are thinking of starting a relationship in a place like a sex club or in certain night clubs may pressure them into thinking they have to respond in ways that are uncomfortable for them, especially when considering taking someone home into their bed and in their love life! It’s not that it’s impossible at all, heavens no! But, it might be courteous to arrange to meet in a more neutral place than some BDSM dungeon. Unless you both are into BDSM, then maybe you SHOULD meet there!! (See: Rule 1: “close identities”.)

4. Be fun. Talk about the most inspiring, intriguing, interesting things you care about in the world for your conversations. There’s no need to bash ex-boyfriends or slander ex-girlfriends because you don’t know what else to talk about on your first single date together. The default “yeah, I’m single because so-and-so is a jerk/slag/etc.” is not a good look. Be optimistic and adventurous, you are in a new situation, so there’s reason for hope!

5. Be mature. You may both be seeing other people. You may not. A first date rendezvous is no time to bring jealousy into the picture. To me, there NEVER is a time to bring jealousy into the picture, but this is the circumstance that certainly invites open-hearted approaches and exploring ideas about new ways to form connections and meet sexy people. The lack of maturity of students in high school is the reason why more people didn’t hook up. Too bad, because that was really one of the times in life where partner-swapping could have gone down with the most ease! Oh well, as long as you’re mature about it, hookups of friends with evolving benefits can always manifest.

6. Be attractive. Fix up, look sharp. Sexy yourself up, hot thang. You got a date with a beautiful stranger tonight. Does your destiny feel lucky? I hope so. Mine does!

7. Be honest. Be honest. Be as honest as you possibly can be. Say things like “I don’t know how I feel about that or this” if you don’t have an answer. Say “this is new for me. Emotionally: polyamory is some different shit!” Say “I’m a little bit scared.” Say “I’m lonely, so I thank you all for this opportunity to meet new people.” Say the things that are as vulnerable as you are willing to get because that’s exactly what’s going to turn your friend’s friend into YOUR friend… and possibly LOVER!

And honestly, that’s about all I can say about setting up relationships between strangers! Create a safe space, align the stars, and let the sparks fly!

I had a sexy little threesome scene happen with two women that we set up… ooh, it was delicious! They never knew each other, but one of them asked me to help her meet some women… so I did!

And it worked out DELICIOUSLY, after the first day of introduction…

Where it goes from there is not up to you. It’s up to the Gods and Goddesses of Polyamory, ha ha!!

Keep hope alive,

In love,
Addi Stewart

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Tell us what you think!

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