There are many reasons people choose poly.
Maybe you’re picturing a long list of back-up babes for when your leading hottie’s not in the mood, or out with the girls. Or maybe you’re fantasizing all of your wives together on the bed, bottoms up and ready to be taken one after the other.
Then again, I may be stereotyping, and what you really want out of polyamory is for your main squeeze to always have company when you’re away on business.
Reasons Why Women Choose Polyamory
Personal and Sexual Freedom
The number one desire that leads people to polyamory is personal and sexual freedom.
Sharon, 44, says, “How can anyone enter into a commitment with a smile when they perceive that this is the end of the road for their sexual experiences of variety? I’ve always felt the need to leave that door open.
Loving More than One Person
This may sound like the same reason as number one, but it’s not. Many women seek out polyamory to ensure their sexual and romantic freedom, to not be limited sexually. This may mean having only one partner but the option of more, or a deep intimacy with one person and hot liaisons with others.
People hoping to avoid limits on love choose polyamory, but sometimes polyamory chooses them—it becomes a solution when you are already in love with more than one person at the same time.
Mindy, 28, says, “It’s a heartbreaking situation when you’re given more love than you can handle. And sometimes women realize they can handle this much love. What if you didn’t have to walk away from love, just because there was more of it than social mores support?”
Amen, Mindy! Sometimes polyamory simply reveals itself as an option when the option of shutting love down seems cruel and unusual.
To Open the Relationship instead of Ending It
Just like the woman above who decided not to choose between two lovers, some women find themselves unexpectedly and happily polyamorous when it’s their partner who is faced with that fork in the road.
“It can be upsetting and hurtful to find one’s husband in love with another woman. But who says it has to be the end?” says Tina, 60.
The Belief that Polyamory Is Natural
Many women feel polyamory is more natural. Even though we are socialized to dream about one man fulfilling us, or to expect that men won’t ever be turned on by someone other than their girlfriend, the reality is much different and can be a slap in the face.
Polyamory is simply facing reality, and accepting that reality. Monogamy is exceedingly rare in the animal kingdom. Some social scientists say it causes violence, misery, wars and poverty.
My personal take? Monogamy is a fine ideal. I would never impose on someone else’s choice or tell them how to live their journey. But for me? Nature knows best!
Poly Avoids Feelings of Possession and Ownership
Poly relationships don’t come without jealousy—that’s a myth.
“The difference,” Julie Ann, 39, states, “is that most poly people are aware of the nature of the beast and willing to work through it. Their choice says, ‘no one is my possession, and I won’t live in a way that says otherwise.'”
Julie Ann says marriage has always been a religious instrument with the goal of subjugating women and placing paternal and then marital ownership on them. She only dates poly men, even if they don’t happen to date anyone else while they’re together, because poly men have rejected this historical sexism.