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Integrity and Self-Control in Polyamory

Couple Cuddling on Couch

Have you ever been in a situation with a polyamrous person, and you both know that sex COULD happen… and it also MIGHT NOT happen?

Like, one of those life scenarios where there is just enough time, space, energy, privacy, desire, history, future, potential and passion to make a seuxal experience happen… but there’s also just enough obstacles, opposition, awkwardness and odd circumstance to also cause someone to maybe decide to take a rain check and postpone the joy moment? It’s hard to articulate, but sometimes, it happens: you COULD have sex, or you COULDN’T have sex, and life could go on the same, either way.

What do you do?

Many men (and the random woman) would just soldier on forward, trying their damndest to make the most orgasmic interaction happen, consequences be damned. Lots of guys, especially if this were a monogamous sexual scenario, would take an opportunity to touch a woman as THE CHANCE TO NOT LET SLIP! And aggression, insensitivity, selfishness and force can often determine the outcome of a nebulous situation more often than simple kindness, respectful nonchalance, intimate disengagement, and alternative expression.

Actual penetrative intercourse is not always a goal to see in an erotic encounter, even though it’s advertised and bombarded into our mental and emotional environments with insane intensity. We don’t HAVE TO take every opportunity to kiss and have sex and connect… but it’s nice when we find someone who DOES want the same amount of intimacy and affection.

This may be the place where the best relationship stories manifest and dreams come true. But these moments are fleeting at best, and these people are rare birds that do not come to rest upon the branch of romantic chance very often. Be honorable and honest, regardless. They just may return to your dreams if you set them free…

What happened to me when I was in that situation (where sex could have occurred, yet also could not have come to pass) even though I wanted to have sex with this lovely woman, and even though she was someone who repeatedly had sex with me before… I still did not let my burning desire overwhelm my self-control and her own erotic and expressed uncertainty whether she should have sex or not. And even though I really wanted to connect to her all the way, it turned out to be a beautiful encounter together, even though we decided to stop our physicality before any genitals were aroused beyond the point of no return, ha ha.

It takes a lot of emotional stamina and personal integrity to not let your libido, your reputation and your passion take control of every first and last opportunity in life to make love, but having that self-control is what separates boys from men, and unhealthy intentions from healthy connections.

Just because you CAN have sex doesn’t exactly mean you always SHOULD have sex… and I’m saying this while being a working porn actor!!

Saying “NO, NOT YET” to something you often say “YES, MORE PLEASE” to every once in a while gives a level of power and self-respect that is difficult to describe in words… but it’s wonderful to experience in energy.

It’s nice to just cuddle sometimes… even when you know you could be having wild jungle monkey sex!

In love,
Addi Stewart

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Tell us what you think!

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